Wedding

I am participating in my cousin's wedding this weekend. I wasn't initially, because I wasn't asked to participate because I would not be able to afford to buy the neccessary items to participate. Then, my aunt scolded my cousin about including all of our other cousins in the wedding and not including me, so I was added as a bridesmaid. My aunt and uncle voluntarily decided to pay for my bridesmaid dress under the stipulation that I pay for everything else (i.e. hotel, trip there, food, hair, nails, etc.) myself. So, not only am I unwillingly participating in this (because I was fine not being apart of the wedding), I am going broke doing it. I recently bought a car, a '98 BMW, and that took $2600 (but my uncle paid the other $1900, so I can't complain). But after doing that and buying my son and boyfriend suits for the wedding - not to mention their haircuts and shoes - and getting my dress taken in (because it was waaayyy too big) I only have about $200 left. And that has to go to the hotel and gas for when I go there (Harahan, LA). My electricity bill is still due ($113) and I need to get groceries.
I am doing all of this alone. My boyfriend doesn't have a job nor does he have any money. The financial responsibility is all mine and I am sick of it. I was actually planning to use my refund to get my son and I our own apartment, without his father, but so many other expenses have come up that I just don't have the money to do it. And on top of all that, my son's birthday is coming up (October 24th) and I need money to do something special for him. Then, Halloween is a week after that. What's a girl to do???

I feel stupid.

I feel so dumb because i didn't take any classes over the summer and I've gotten out of the routine. Now, I am in an economics class that is kicking my ass, so I feel super-dumb!!! I study and I know this class should not be as hard as it is for me. I am really having a hard time understanding the material, and I feel like I'm the only one. I'm usually not shy about asking questions when I don't understand something, but the teacher has already put me on blast for asking a dumb question, so I decided not to put myself in that situation again. I really don't want to have to go to his office and get one-on-one help, but that seems to be my only option now. But that will be my last resort. We took a quiz in class today, so I will wait until I get my grade on that before I go to the last resort.

Relationships

Who ever said that being singel was a bad thing? Why does society think that a single woman (especially an older or middle-aged single woman) is lonely? I have been in a relationship for almost 6 years and I want to be single. I don't think I will ever get married after this experience. Seriously, a relationship is just unneccesary stress, especially with a jealous or insecure mate. I mean, didn't we get enough of having to answer to someone as a kid answering to our parents. Now, as an adult we answer to our boss at work, our children at home, and the law in public. Why on earth would anyone want another person to whom he/she has to answer. When you're single, you can come and go as you please. No one will ask you where you're going, who you're going with, or when you'll be back, etc. Of course it is human nature to get lonely, but that is why you have friends or maybe even a casual date or two.
So, if you ask me, being tied down is for the birds (lol). I'm done!!!

Ruston

I question myself daily as to why I chose to come to LA Tech U in little old Ruston. It is nearly impossible to find a job around here and it is impossible to find a reasonably priced apartment or house to rent during the schoolyear. Collegetown is an understatement. This is college-hell for the nontraditional student. I am looking for a 2 bedroom, 1 bath home (apartment or house) that is in good shape for no more than $450 per month. Is that so much to ask for? Apparently so, since I have not had any luck finding it.