Wedding

I am participating in my cousin's wedding this weekend. I wasn't initially, because I wasn't asked to participate because I would not be able to afford to buy the neccessary items to participate. Then, my aunt scolded my cousin about including all of our other cousins in the wedding and not including me, so I was added as a bridesmaid. My aunt and uncle voluntarily decided to pay for my bridesmaid dress under the stipulation that I pay for everything else (i.e. hotel, trip there, food, hair, nails, etc.) myself. So, not only am I unwillingly participating in this (because I was fine not being apart of the wedding), I am going broke doing it. I recently bought a car, a '98 BMW, and that took $2600 (but my uncle paid the other $1900, so I can't complain). But after doing that and buying my son and boyfriend suits for the wedding - not to mention their haircuts and shoes - and getting my dress taken in (because it was waaayyy too big) I only have about $200 left. And that has to go to the hotel and gas for when I go there (Harahan, LA). My electricity bill is still due ($113) and I need to get groceries.
I am doing all of this alone. My boyfriend doesn't have a job nor does he have any money. The financial responsibility is all mine and I am sick of it. I was actually planning to use my refund to get my son and I our own apartment, without his father, but so many other expenses have come up that I just don't have the money to do it. And on top of all that, my son's birthday is coming up (October 24th) and I need money to do something special for him. Then, Halloween is a week after that. What's a girl to do???

I feel stupid.

I feel so dumb because i didn't take any classes over the summer and I've gotten out of the routine. Now, I am in an economics class that is kicking my ass, so I feel super-dumb!!! I study and I know this class should not be as hard as it is for me. I am really having a hard time understanding the material, and I feel like I'm the only one. I'm usually not shy about asking questions when I don't understand something, but the teacher has already put me on blast for asking a dumb question, so I decided not to put myself in that situation again. I really don't want to have to go to his office and get one-on-one help, but that seems to be my only option now. But that will be my last resort. We took a quiz in class today, so I will wait until I get my grade on that before I go to the last resort.

Relationships

Who ever said that being singel was a bad thing? Why does society think that a single woman (especially an older or middle-aged single woman) is lonely? I have been in a relationship for almost 6 years and I want to be single. I don't think I will ever get married after this experience. Seriously, a relationship is just unneccesary stress, especially with a jealous or insecure mate. I mean, didn't we get enough of having to answer to someone as a kid answering to our parents. Now, as an adult we answer to our boss at work, our children at home, and the law in public. Why on earth would anyone want another person to whom he/she has to answer. When you're single, you can come and go as you please. No one will ask you where you're going, who you're going with, or when you'll be back, etc. Of course it is human nature to get lonely, but that is why you have friends or maybe even a casual date or two.
So, if you ask me, being tied down is for the birds (lol). I'm done!!!

Ruston

I question myself daily as to why I chose to come to LA Tech U in little old Ruston. It is nearly impossible to find a job around here and it is impossible to find a reasonably priced apartment or house to rent during the schoolyear. Collegetown is an understatement. This is college-hell for the nontraditional student. I am looking for a 2 bedroom, 1 bath home (apartment or house) that is in good shape for no more than $450 per month. Is that so much to ask for? Apparently so, since I have not had any luck finding it.

Just to let you know, they did give me more weeks for the summer camp. Now I have three weeks instead of just one! YAY :)!!! I may even be able to get more. . . .

LA GEAR UP

I have been selected to participate in the LA GEAR UP program as a Camp Counselor. I am thrilled. The program is designed to help junior high students prepare for college. We will try to encourage them to make the decision to go to college, then they take ACT pretests, then we tutor them on subjects in which they are weak. Finally, and most importantly, we build bonds with them and become sort of their mentor.
I am so excited about this opportunity because the director of the program said that it is all about changing lives. It is funny to me that that is the program's main objective because that is the main reason I decided to go into psychology. When my mom passed away, I did not have anyone to ever say to me "If you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, I am here for you." NEVER!!! And that is what I needed the most being that I am my mom's only child, and she was a single parent. I needed that because I did not have any brothers or sisters who could identify with what I was going through. No one understood or empathized with what I was feeling. So, I decided to go into psychology so that I could one day help children who have lost a parent in a way that I had no one help me. I would love to be able to change someone's life.
The program director also said that a lot of the children coming to the camps are underprivileged and some do not have their parents' support and encouragement when it comes to school. Even though they may be smart and determined, they do not have the information they need to even consider going to college. I could be that kid's support system and encouragement. I may be the person who, 20 years from now, that kid grows up to be successful and comes back to and says "If it were not for you, I probably would not be where I am today." I could change someone's life! That is so amazing to me because I want to be able to change people's lives for a living someday. This is a great start.
However, there are a lot of people who got the job of being a summer camp counselor and they could care less if they change someone's life or not. They are really just in it for the money. At first I felt privileged to have gotten the job, but now I don't because they hired so many people who in my opinion are not qualified. It just makes me realize that they did not have very high standards or expectations for the applicants. Which sucks because the people like me who are not just doing for the money are losing out. They assign each counselor a certain week or weeks to work. Some of the people who just want the money got assigned like 3 or even 4 or 5 weeks whereas I only got assigned 1 week. It really sucks.
But, I asked for more weeks so I will let you know what happens.

Movies - Again

I recently saw Beyonce Knowles's new movie "Obsessed", co-starring Ali Larter. Don't get me wrong, I am a huge Beyonce fan - the hugest - but this movie was not all that. I felt like I had seen it (or something like it) before. Plus, it was super-predictable. I hate when I can tell what's going to happen next. It takes the fun out of watching a movie, especially a thriller. Thrillers are supposed to have you on the edge of your seat wanting more and wondering what's going to happen next. This movie didn't do that!
On a brighter note, Beyonce's performance in the movie was good. Her acting skills have improved tremendously since her role in "Cadillac Records" and "Austin Powers: Goldmember." In her older movies I was like "She needs to stick to singing." But when I saw this one I was like "Okay, maybe she can do the acting thing." Not all singers/rappers can act, but she did well.
Ali Larter's performance was amazing!!! Her character was this crazy woman and there were scenes where the camera would zoom in on her and she had like a crazy look in her eyes. She was so believable. WOW. Beyonce's performance pales in comparison to Ali's. Even though the actors did well, the plot of the movie sucked.